Don't pay the ransom, I escaped. For my patient reader (note the singular), I had a hernia operation and was laid off in June. I've been in physical recovery and job-search mode ever since. So it only makes sense to pick up another non-paid gig at City on a Hill DFW, right?
Any new 'job' -especially for introverts- comes with loads of fear and self-doubt, delivered fresh daily to your brain's front door. And I mean that literally: according to the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the brain's frontal lobe is where foresight (and its evil twin, worry) reside.
But rational, dispassionate foresight is good, right? Keeps us out of Amway and timeshares. Well, yes, but the frontal lobe is also friends with the emotional amygdala, which processes your fight-or-flight response. These friends love to team up and create mental scenarios to convince your mind and body that a Tyrannosaur is chasing you. RIGHT NOW.
Tyrannosaur chases are out of most people's comfort zone, but so are public speaking and helping run Bible Recap classes, which I'll be doing for ALL of 2025, real job or no real job. No cap this is hattnin' (I love torturing Millenials with their slang).
If you're in a similar situation, you gotta break up that frontal lobe/amygdala bromance. Luckily, there are tools for that: Cartoonish Levels of Overcompensation and Bible Study Lifehacks. Use these strategies to stay ahead of any church group you find yourself leading. Fake it 'til you make it, baby. Sounds better in Latin, though: Simula dum efficis.
Cartoonish Levels of Overcompensation
1. Learn that Visual Aids Are a Gold Mine
Done right, nothing is better to fake it 'til you make it than an obsessively crafted and smooth-running PowerPoint. You'll even learn a thing or two in the process.
Load up slides with the week's Bible Recap questions, read them aloud to the group, and have the class provide the answers.
Add a GQ-Smoove presentation template with a few jokes, and you can stave off stage fright until the discussions start flowing. Give your answers at first (if you have to), but if they stink people will learn to jump in instead of you. Kinda like when you throw your wife's wool sweater in the dryer to get out of laundry duty.
2. Find An Insane Extrovert Partner Who Knows IT Finding a partner who is strong in areas where you are weak is critical. Fortunately, I'm partnering with Josh Bauer, a software developer who knows the Bible and technology. He's also an accomplished Toastmaster, so he's got extroversion and public speaking on lock.
With two young kids and a newborn at home, Josh is already straight crazy. Here's Josh in his version of "formal wear". The shirt is patterned after his wife's hairstyle (well, this week, anyway).
3. Track The Group's Progress
Jordan Peterson said it best: "The Bible is not a book, it's a LIBRARY." And it's daunting to get started and stick with it. Celebrate the journey!
Sharing a progress plan is an excellent way to appear prepared and keep people dialed in. Plus, some people LOVE LOVE LOVE to check off boxes. Others are more worried there may be a quiz later, and this plan keeps them on their toes.
4. Find Mentors and Steal Their Answers
Don't bother searching for a Teacher's version of the Bible Recap. There isn't one, and believe me, I looked. So this is just a polite warning to my mentors that their 2024 Bible Recap books might go missing this December. Hope there's nothing personal in them! Having the A team critique your performance is useful to see if you have any blind spots when running a class. Do you dwell on questions too long? Do you rush through everything in 40 minutes? Can you pull people out of their shells? Nobody's perfect, and having the pros see you run a meeting catches any unconscious errors or biases.
5. Pack the Audience with Ringers
Orson Wells hired a friend for each movie, and his only job was to get publicly fired on Day One. Mr. Wells did this to prevent having a chaotic film set. Now we can't fire people in church, but that doesn't mean you can't ask for helpers. Befriend a few people in your group who really know the Bible and encourage them ahead of time to "rescue" you if you get confused. They can also give hints when you're running long and need to wrap things up. Discourage their frustrated profanity, and strictly prohibit projectiles (even Nerf).
Bible Study Lifehacks
6. Fill Meeting Time with the Bible Project
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the Bible Project on YouTube is worth... (carry the one...)... more words.
These 5-10 minute videos lay out the structure and themes of each book using "hand-drawn" animated words and pictures. Great for a pre-meeting brush-up. Plus, it fills time if you're running short.
You could be forgiven for seeing this channel as a Spark Notes for the Bible, but the books come to life, and the theology is sound. And you will catch themes and typologies you missed between genealogies and tent measurements. Case in point: Leviticus in 8 minutes. You're welcome.
7. Find Verses Fast with Bible Gateway
Since 1991, Bible Gateway has offered convenient access to reading, listening to, studying, searching for, and sharing the Bible in a remarkable array of versions and translations, including English, French, Spanish, and more.
Bible Gateway can look up any Bible verse likety-split, and even compare that verse with up to four different translations side-by-side. So if the ESV isn't working for you, you've still got four more bites at the apple before you need to phone a friend. Editor's note: Churches hate apple-biting metaphors, genius. FIX IT.
8. Answer Any Question with Got Questions.org
Active since 2002, Dallas-based gotquestions.org has earned its reputation as the easiest and best Bible encyclopedia on the Internet.
The search bar practically begs you to ask "Who was 'X' in the Bible", and then it goes and gets "X" for you. And then goes deep in the paint about "X" in plain English, with definitions, history, context, and relevant Biblical passages. This site is an absolute must-have internet bookmark, with millions of queries answered each month. It's especially great for Bible questions you're too embarrassed to ask (because you think you should know them already). Go ahead and try it out: they can keep a secret.
9. Get Jokes from Babylon Bee
Fake News You Can Trust
The Babylon Bee is a razor-sharp satire website as biting and current as any Southpark episode, but squeaky clean. Despite being written from a Christian perspective (which some comedians would consider a liability), the Bee continually puts The Onion to shame.
Topics include current events, international news, and a running favorite, church administration. Always on-point and funny, this daily must-click isn't afraid to drift into politics from the right side of the aisle. Or the left. Whichever is funnier that day.
My blogs may indicate otherwise, but The Babylon Bee proves that Evangelicals can be funny, and not just funny-looking.
10. Keep Informed of Current Events with Christianity Today
Evangelicals' flagship magazine has a print circulation of 110,000 and an online readership of 2.2M clicks at www.christianitytoday.com every week. Founded by the one and only Billy Graham, CT is conservative in theology and much more liberal regarding social issues. But whatever your political orientation, it's still a great mainstream source of information about cultural factors affecting modern Christians... well, today.
11. Figure Out What You Just Read with The Bible Recap
The Bible Recap is more a force of nature than just a reading program. At City on a Hill DFW, we have open enrollment, so you can sit in on a class in room B201 on Wednesdays at 6:45 PM. But you have multiple, and I do mean MULTIPLE other ways to engage with the program.
There's the in-person church program, printed books, a YouTube channel with custom playlists, a daily Podcast, a premium Facebook page so you can contact Recap staff directly, transcripts of all these programs in multiple languages, a mobile app, a website, and even a live tour. I'm involved in the program and even I'm not sure of everything that's going on. But I will say that there is something special about reading and discussing the Bible in person with other supportive believers, who, like you, haven't read the Bible all the way through. YET. I’d be delighted to see you next week, next month, or even next January when Josh and I begin helping Sherma and Mark drive this bus. I did tell you Josh was crazy, right?
See you then.
During Covid, the author rediscovered cityonahilldfw.com. Post-vaccination he snuck into a service and felt zero social pressure. He's a member now and everyone knows he sucks at small talk. They don't care: it ain't that kind of church.
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